Protect your children from sexual predators

On By Rgal Nv

How to protect your children from sexual predators (Photo: iStock)

Duncan and Esther* are the loving parents of two boys and a girl. After living in the city for almost a decade, they moved to one of Nairobi’s satellite towns where they built a house.

Their desire was for the children to grow up in a calm atmosphere and with plenty of space.

One day in January 2019, they noticed strange behavior in their pre-teen daughter. She used to be the most bubbly of them all, but she suddenly became lonely, preferring to spend most of her free time in her room.

“I thought this was the usual exposure of ‘isolated’ children as they approach or begin adolescence,” Duncan says. “I knew the isolation would disappear with time.”

This has never been the case.

His wife, Esther, began to suspect that something was wrong with their daughter every time one of their cousins ​​visited them. To her horror, Esther learned that the 21-year-old man had sexually assaulted her daughter during a visit the previous holiday.

“We were devastated, angry and helpless,” says Esther.

“We never saw this coming or imagined that someone related to us by blood would do such a horrible thing. She is still healing but there are emotional scars, there is a stigma that will linger for a long time.

A report of child sexual abuse is perhaps the worst news a parent can receive. There is anger at the abuser and perhaps frustration because the child did not disclose this form of abuse sooner. Such a roller coaster of emotions is normal since a parent’s primary duty is to protect their child from any form of harm.

According to UNICEF, such predation, especially from someone who should be protecting the child, including aid workers, takes many forms and different terms are used to describe the resulting act.

Most sexual predators are usually people known to the child (Photo: iStock)

Sexual exploitation can refer to “any actual or attempted abuse of a position of vulnerability, differential power or trust, for sexual purposes,… against children”.

On the other hand, sexual abuse is “the actual or threatened physical intrusion of a sexual nature, whether by force or under unequal or coercive conditions.” Such acts can escalate into sexual violence.

A 2015 research including academics and doctors from Kenya showed that most sexual predators are usually people known to the child.

The study, “Perpetrators and Context of Child Sexual Abuse in Kenya,” indicates that the main perpetrators of unwanted sexual touching between girls were friends and classmates and that young men and women were likely to encounter such predators when they moved on foot or in their homes.

Ann Keith, child and adolescent counseling psychologist at Starise Mentors, says the dangers to your children are closer to the child than you think; with housekeepers, cousins, uncles and farm workers among the perpetrators. Unfortunately, there are cases where a parent attacks a child.

“In a family, the guard is down and we suspect nothing. We rarely perform emotional checks on a child unless we notice sudden changes in behavior or attitude as soon as the child hears the abuser’s name mentioned or is present. The child might say, “I don’t want to hug him.” Sometimes a parent may force the child to hug their loved one, but the child is trying to make you understand that he or she is not safe in the current environment, but you don’t understand. Parents need to read the non-verbal danger signs,” says Ann.

Ideally, Ann adds, children don’t know how to express themselves verbally and may keep quiet the first time they are sexually abused, sometimes thinking it’s their fault and that maybe they should have behaved or dress better.

As for the boys considered tough, Ann says they faced predation from housekeepers, farm workers and others close to or known to them. In today’s era where children can easily access the Internet, the dangers of online sexual predation have increased, creating another front on which parents must be on guard.

In developed countries, online sexual predation is the first step leading to a child meeting their abuser.

According to the Child Crime Prevention and Safety Center, approximately 500,000 online predators browse the Internet in the United States each day, seeking to lure children ages 12 to 15, who are more likely to be manipulated by adults they meet into line.

“Predators seeking to groom children online often visit social media sites popular with young people and pretend to be their age. The adult may attempt to gain trust with fake profile photos, pretending to share similar interests, giving the child gifts, or complimenting the child,” the organization explains.

He adds that once an online relationship has been established, the person often steers the conversation towards sex and pressures the child to take explicit photos or videos of themselves and them. send online.

In extreme cases, an online sexual predator will pressure the child to meet in person.

Expert Tips:

How can parents protect their children from these sexual predators? Ann recommends the following five tips:

Be emotionally present: Parents should monitor their children regularly. This can be a challenge for young children at boarding schools who have no daily contact with their parents. “While parents want their children to be placed in boarding schools, they come home with different behavior and you start dealing with a new version of your child. Avoid delegating parenting tasks despite your busy schedule. Being present shows the child that you care.

Communicate: Prevent the defect by talking and bonding with your children before the fire breaks out. Get involved in the things they like and learn who their friends are. Let these friends come to your house so you can see them and know who they are.

Supervise “off-site” activities: Having children at unsupervised sleepovers poses many dangers. Drugs, alcohol, and sexual escapades may be involved since you can’t control the other guests.

Set a good example: Some parents are party people and think that children cannot see through the chaos of excesses, wild dancing and other vices. Help them see what is morally right so they can know when a person is about to make a misstep. Whatever you model is what it will become.

Monitor the use of electronic gadgets: Monitor children’s use of electronic gadgets and know who their online friends are.